Internet Etiquette: selfies and subtweeting

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HEY HI HELLO!

Soooooo… have you guys heard of “The Internet”? lol jk it’s pretty new so it’s okay if you don’t know that much about it yet. Basically though, I’m gonna spend this post discussing Internet Etiquette! Specifically: selfies and subtweeting.

SELFIES

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                                                            Pictured above: Justin Bieber, embracing selfie culture

Many people consider selfies to be THE MOST shameful and narcissistic thing you could EVER post on the interwebs. Other people post 15 shirtless mirror pics to Facebook a day. This is obviously a very heated and controversial topic, and there is really no right or wrong answer (um, yes there is) but I will give you my perspective on it anyways (because duh you totally care!)

In general, I have no real problem with selfies. I think a picture of your face makes your online presence more personal, which is a good thing considering we are not tryna be faceless Internet entities, right? HOWEVER, selfie with a purpose. Yes I did just use “selfie” as a verb, but this is the world we live in and we are all just going to have to deal with it. Do not post a picture of your face just because you want people to see your face (hey this is where actual in person human interaction can come in to play!! Whoa what?) If, however, you do have a reason for posting that pic (literally ANY reason you guys, the more inane the better) then have at it! I am constantly looking for new ways to push the boundaries of a “useless selfie with purpose.”

Some Guidelines:

  1. IN GENERAL, mirror selfies are not okay, mostly because I do not want to see the inside of your bathroom. But if you DO decide to take a mirror selfie (don’t), keep your shirt on and freaking clean the toothpaste spittle off your mirror!!
  2. Keep your selfies on instagram- this is their home; this is where they belong. Sometimes they belong on twitter. They almost never belong on Facebook. If you DO decide to put them on facebook (don’t) OWN IT, make it your profile picture, and definitely use Taylor Swift lyrics as your caption.
  3. Don’t overdue it. One or two selfies a week are GREAT. One or two selfies a day… I might unfollow you. (haha jk i would never do that, im obvi going to “heart” them all on instagram and leave super great comments)
  4. Do not take s e l f i e s seriously. Like, your feelings are obviously always valid, but if you have extremely strong feelings regarding selfies, idk maybe ask yourself ~why~
  5. Hehe jk selfies are very serious business, and this is not a laughing matter!!!!!!!!

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^A MONTAGE OF UNACCEPTABLE MIRROR SELFIES ON MY PHONE THAT I THEN INSTAGRAMED (you have to learn the rules before you can break them, my children)

SUBTWEETING

Subtweeting is a delicate, passive-aggressive form of art. It requires finesse and confidence, and it’s not for everyone. What is a “subtweet”, you ask? A subtweet is a tweet that mentions a specific twitter member, except without using their actual username. Urban Dictionary describes it as: “Basically it’s talking about someone behind their back, but sort of in their face!” COOL, RIGHT?

EXAMPLE: Um #wow I really wish that SOMEONE would stop subtweeting about me, you know who you are betch!!!

^ That is a beautiful example of a subtweet about subtweeting.

Some Guidelines:

  1. It must be specific enough that whoever you are subtweeting about is 95% sure that it’s about them, but vague enough that they aren’t positive. The goal is for whoever you are subtweeting about to know what’s up, but also not be confident enough to call you out on it.
  2. Don’t subtweet someone who doesn’t have a twitter! This sounds self-explanatory but I’ve seen it happen multiple times. First off, this is dumb because there is no thrill in the possibility of getting caught, and that is half the point of subtweeting. Second, this is dumb because you are being a SCAREDY CAT because you know they’ll never see what you posted. It’s like making an “anonymous” comment.
  3. Be sassy, not mean. The ultimate goal of a subtweet is to call someone out on their outrageous/offensive behavior, while maintaining the support of all your followers. As your followers, we want drama and “oh snap!” moments. Please don’t make us feel like this:

People tweeting about subtweeting:

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Okay guys good luck out there on the “Internet”, it is a harsh place but I’m sure you will do great!!! If you don’t follow me on instagram and like all my selfies right now I’ll be forced to subtweet you about it (LOL look at me bringing it all together.)

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